$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
