the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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