A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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