So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is my gift to your gina
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
