my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
