70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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