Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
