dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
