before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
