worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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