This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
