so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
