It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
