smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
