Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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