This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
