so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
