I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
