I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
