I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
