Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
