I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
