it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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