I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
