What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
