u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
