I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
