I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i came on her dog
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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