lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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