so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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