you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
