New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
