Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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