So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
