So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
