First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
