Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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