You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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