Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
