i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
