we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
