He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh god it's open bar.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
