in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
