I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
