she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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