I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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