I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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