You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
