i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
