what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
